I Feel Your Pain
Last night, I felt it. I had talked about it for years without experiencing directly.
The sinking feeling in my chest.
My head hanging down into the ground.
The embarrassment.
The disappointment.
The silence.
The anger.
What caused that experience for me?
An error.
Last night was opening night for my new slow pitch softball team -- co-ed. I haven't played on a team of any kind for about 10 years and I've never played on a softball team.
I played Over 30 baseball for 6 years and had a blast.
Because I was throwing so much batting practice for my college team and I could hit when I wanted to I was a dominant player.
Also, most of the other players were really bad. I ended my career on a 30 for 30 stolen base streak.
But after a long drought that featured several moves and a marriage and two kids, I was back on a field at 9:30pm last night.
After we scored 6 in the top half of the first, their lead off guy hit a smoking ground ball right at me at short.
I caught it cleanly, took a shuffle step to first and let it go. As soon as I let go I knew it was low. I watched in dismay as the ball short hopped the first baseman and skiddered away from him.
Damn. Short armed it.
Down went the head, and the emotional black ink flooded my chest.
Then I became aware of what I was doing and took the prescribed course of action toward getting back to center, to getting back to wanting the ball hit to me.
I did alright with it and look forward to practicing it more. Although I want to practice it without making the error.
I actually made two more errors on tougher plays later. But I also made some nice plays and got on base every time up.
Didn't take the glove to the plate.
It was great and challenging to be facing the same challenges the players I coach face:
Keep positive energy going and stay focused despite being very disappointed with my error(s).
Then it was dealing with losing. We gave up a bleeder, two out hit that scored 2 to beat us 17-16.
I don't like to lose.
But I love being back in the game, even in this watered down format. The emotions are the same.
If you play more often than every 10 years (or know someone who does) the Baseball Confidence Gym will help you master your emotions and play the game at the highest level possible.
Tom
Dr. Tom Hanson
The sinking feeling in my chest.
My head hanging down into the ground.
The embarrassment.
The disappointment.
The silence.
The anger.
What caused that experience for me?
An error.
Last night was opening night for my new slow pitch softball team -- co-ed. I haven't played on a team of any kind for about 10 years and I've never played on a softball team.
I played Over 30 baseball for 6 years and had a blast.
Because I was throwing so much batting practice for my college team and I could hit when I wanted to I was a dominant player.
Also, most of the other players were really bad. I ended my career on a 30 for 30 stolen base streak.
But after a long drought that featured several moves and a marriage and two kids, I was back on a field at 9:30pm last night.
After we scored 6 in the top half of the first, their lead off guy hit a smoking ground ball right at me at short.
I caught it cleanly, took a shuffle step to first and let it go. As soon as I let go I knew it was low. I watched in dismay as the ball short hopped the first baseman and skiddered away from him.
Damn. Short armed it.
Down went the head, and the emotional black ink flooded my chest.
Then I became aware of what I was doing and took the prescribed course of action toward getting back to center, to getting back to wanting the ball hit to me.
I did alright with it and look forward to practicing it more. Although I want to practice it without making the error.
I actually made two more errors on tougher plays later. But I also made some nice plays and got on base every time up.
Didn't take the glove to the plate.
It was great and challenging to be facing the same challenges the players I coach face:
Keep positive energy going and stay focused despite being very disappointed with my error(s).
Then it was dealing with losing. We gave up a bleeder, two out hit that scored 2 to beat us 17-16.
I don't like to lose.
But I love being back in the game, even in this watered down format. The emotions are the same.
If you play more often than every 10 years (or know someone who does) the Baseball Confidence Gym will help you master your emotions and play the game at the highest level possible.
Tom
Dr. Tom Hanson
posted by Tom Hanson at
10:44 AM
1 Comments:
What Happened:
It was a 2 inning outing in a scrimmage game against ourselves at practice. The 1st inning being my best performance of the year and the 2nd inning was my worst. 1st inning struck out 2 good batters then beat the 3rd batter on an inside fastball. 85-95% throwing accuracy . 2nd inning gave up 4-5 runs, hit a batter , walked 2, 2 hits, and a pair of errors by my fielders.
My Mind before during and after:
Before I go into pitch I follow the same routine I do every time when I know I’m going to throw. After stretching and doing a light warm up prior going into the pen to warm up to go into a game I separate myself from everyone, usually the same spot at our home field, I squat against the fence plug my ears and close my eyes. I then think about a moment when I was in Iraq were I felt blessed that I “held my water” and reacted to the situation flawlessly. When I open my eyes I have a very focused perception of my surroundings and very aware of my body. I then proceed to warm up in the pen and I feel my release points and talk out in my head any notices of changes in mechanics. When I come into the game and begin to pitch I almost feel as if I’m in space. It feels as if I’m seeing my self in the 3rd person. At this point of focus I never feel any pains or aches that I may have felt prior to coming in. I’m only thinking of the present moment and completely care free from the past or future outcomes. I then use word triggers that I say to myself to initiate any physical actions. A typical action would be a fastball on the outside corner at the knees of the hitter. When I receive the sign from the catcher I have routine. I will see the catcher flash one finger then three indicating a fast ball outside corner. I then tell my eyes to focus on the blades of grass in front of the pitcher’s mound. Then tell them to focus on my left arm sleeve. Now I focus on where the ball needs to be thrown and my mind blocks out everything else but a dot the size of a quarter in the catcher’s glove. I then proceed with telling my self a word sequence that triggers me to perform the throw. Come set, wait one second, throw, then just prior to release the ball I say a different word distinguishing the hand action needed to throw the different types of pitches. The entire first inning I felt as if I was a puppet master of my own body and didn’t have to consciously think about anything. After the inning was over my teammates praised me then I sat against the fence and remained focused. Then my coach started to praise me and I lost my focus. I built a wall around my brain to not allow positive praise to affect me, but if I had to describe the main reason why my second inning was a failure I would be adamant of the fact that my wall is strong enough to absorb my peers, the loyalty within in me towards my coaches though leaves them a key to the back door to my wall. My coaches positive praise gave me the “warm and fuzzies” and I completely came out of the zone and lost my entire train of thought. I then started to think, my arm began to hurt as well as my shin. The second inning I felt as if I was playing in my conscious, not in space. I had some focus but not the focus I’m accustomed to when I pitch. After going home I literally sat on my couch for about three hours, became very focused and played that second inning in my head over and over and visualized what I should have done to have a favorable outcome.
What got me there:
I completely trust my preparation prior to any performance as I spend about 80% of practice time with game like intensity. I trust myself and know my subconscious knows what to do in any situation the game can present as long as I have drilled it repetitively. Every drill I do I attach words to my actions so I just have to talk myself through the situations as I see it.
My main goal:
I set goals during the game and it’s usually the same one I say to myself in the head. When I see the batter walking out of the dugout my goal is to make him go back to the dugout and not reach a base, locate and get outs, three pitches and out.
What I learned:
“Warm and Fuzzies” kill my focus and I have no room to allow those in during a competition.
Notes:
- When I came in from the 1st inning I overheard someone say that inning lasted two minutes. It felt like it lasted 7-10 minutes in my head.
- Performance after this one was dominant, that bad inning never crossed my mind.
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